Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Calling Out All March Madness Bracket Cheaters

“Was that wrong? Should I not have done that? I'm sorry, I'm gonna have to plead ignorance on this one, because if I had known that sort of thing was frowned upon...” stated George Costanza in a famous episode of Seinfeld after getting caught with the cleaning lady where he worked.

Some people might ask similar questions while questionably filling out their NCAA March Madness brackets. They need George’s help to justify their methods. Often the stakes are hight for winner of March Madness brackets like money or even demonic plastic heads that resemble a certain pedophile looking Gonzaga player. Even if there is not money on the line or a creepy plastic trophy there is still a lot of pride for the winner. What am I talking about? I’m talking about 3 kinds of March Madness bracket filler-outers who are basically cheating when they fill our their brackets. I’m here to call you out.

First, and certainly the most offensive is the person who fills out their bracket exactly with all the higher ranked teams winning every game all the way to the final four. Almost every year I see a person who fills out their bracket straight by the numbers. What is the point of filling in the brackets if you’re just going to copy the numbers? I guess you have some hard decisions when you get your four #1 seeds to the Final Four. Too bad the brackets don’t tell you which team will win it all by the rankings, so sorry. The most logical pick would be just to take the best overall ranked team to win it all.

I do realize that these rankings are given by college basketball experts, but come on people take a chance. Filling out a bracket like this is just plain boring. Why not solve a really easy Sudoku puzzle instead because that’s basically what you’re doing. Not to get sexist, but I’m going to because I swear it’s always a girl who thinks she is so smart who picks all #1’s. It is stupid though. Only once in history has all four #1 seeds made it to the final four which was recently in 2008.

The second offenders are the ones who copy exactly what an ESPN analyst has. It’s not wrong to look at these experts opinions are, but to copy exactly their picks is dense. I know these are so called experts, but they are wrong all the time. This takes a little more work than the first offenders so I commend them for their determination. Think for yourselves people. This is supposed to be fun, not see who can copy and paste correctly.
Another offender in this category is one who waits till the end and copies exactly what their knowledgeable friend has except for one game; therefore, making that game the deciding factor. This is an especially jerk-store move when the only game difference is one game that the other person might be gambling on. Anyone one who does this is basically the spawn of Satan and should be treated as such.

The third and final way to bracket cheat is one that I have been guilty of, but I have repented and will not do this again. Some might say that this isn’t cheating, but it is just increasing their odds. I say it all depends on what is at stake and how much you are going to brag after the victory. For instance, if I am in 10 different March Madness bracket groups and I pick different winners in each, then my odds for winning at least one of them increases, but my chances for losing the other 9 are probably higher. It’s not cheating to be in 10 different leagues or even to fill out more than one bracket, but it is very lame if you get worked in 9 leagues and then boast that you are this March Madness genius to the only league that you picked correctly.

I would like to see people pick the same teams in all their leagues. Put their money where their mouth is kind of thing. Then if you’re right you could win all 10 leagues. How sweet would that be? How much more satisfying is it to root for the teams you picked in all your leagues instead of saying, “Well it doesn’t matter who wins because I have a contingency plan for every possible scenario because I filled in so many brackets. This isn’t your stock portfolio, this is Madness. Let the 300 jokes stop here, because if you’re going to fill out 300 brackets I don’t want to hear it from you.

So now you know that these kinds of things are frowned upon. And yes George, it was wrong.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

50 Greatest Movie Hero's of All-Time

Top 50 Movie Hero’s

I’m back, but this time with the 50 greatest movie hero’s off all-time. I just completed the top 50 villains off all-time, but what good are bad villains without the baddest (aka coolest) of the good.

I thought that making a top 50 hero’s was even harder than deciding on top villains. There are so many great hero’s in movies. Almost every movie has a great hero. Making this list also made me wonder what is the definition of a hero. Sometimes hero’s do bad things. I did notice that for the most part the greatest of hero’s is generally one I can relate to. Other hero’s I wanted their superpowers or their great human qualities that I would like to emulate. I also noticed a thing about hero’s is that usually the greatest of hero’s have to make a choice between what they want and what would help others. Most of the greatest hero’s make the unselfish decisions and that is what makes them true hero’s.

50.Zorro (Antonio Banderas)- The Mask of Zorro
His mad skills with the blade can even cut women's clothes off. How could he not be a hero of mine.

49. Harry Potter (Daniel Radcliffe)- Harry Potter movies
I knew if I left this guy off the list all the Potter fans would freak out, but really this kid has been thru hell from the beginning and still manages to kick some Voldemort ass, Ooops, I said his name.

48. El Mariachi (Antonio Banderas) Desperado and Once Upon a Time in Mexico
The dude has a guitar case full of guns need I say more.

47. John Keating (Robin Williams) - Dead Poets Society
Inspired a bunch of sexually frustrated teen boys to better their lives, except if you count the one that shot and killed himself, but that wasn’t Keating’s fault.

46. Vincent Freeman (Ethan Hawke)- Gattaca
This is someone who I admire because he would literally do anything to reach his dream. Even when impossible he fought against all odds to achieve his ultimate goal.

45. Atticus Finch (Gregory Peck)- To Kill a Mocking Bird
This was #1 on AFI’s top hero list, not my #1, but still an amazing movie hero that deserves credit.

44. Leon (Jean Reno)- Leon: The Professional
Who else is going to teach a young Natalie Portman how to kill people?

43. Wally Ritchie (Bill Murray)- The Man Who Knew Too Little
I had to put Wally on as a top hero. The guy doesn’t even know he is a hero and that’s what makes him one of the funniest hero’s ever to hit the big screen.

42. Clarice Starling (Jodie Foster)- The Silence of the Lambs
She tries to capture a psychotic killer by getting advice from another psychotic killer, all in a day’s work for Agent Starling.

41. Ferris Bueller (Matthew Broderick)- Ferris Bueller’s Day Off
Just like Cameron so eloquently put it, “Ferris Bueller you’re my hero.”

40. Ash (Bruce Campbell) Army of Darkness and Evil Dead movies
Who needs your right hand when you can have a chainsaw instead?

39. Aragorn (Viggo Mortensen)- Lord of the Rings movies
This hero kicks orc trash all while he supposed to be the king of middle earth. Do your hear him complain? Yeah, I didn’t think so.

38. John Rambo (Sylvester Stallone)- Rambo movies
Pretty much un-killable. Plus, he has probably racked up the highest body counts as far as hero’s go.  And whenever Stallone needs money he comes to the rescue.

37. Marge Gunderson (Frances McDormand)- Fargo

Totally pregnant and still catches murdering conspirators, imagine what her kids are going to be like.

36. Obi-Wan Kenobi (Alec Guinness and Ewan McGregor)- Star Wars movies

A hero who sacrifices himself to save the galaxy. That or he has one hell of a disappearing trick.

35. Paul Rusesabagina (Don Cheadle) - Hotel Rwanda
Saves hundreds of lives in a real life tragedy, all while trying to be a good father and husband, now that’s a hero.

34. King Leonidas (Gerard Butler)- 300
This guy and his mighty 300 kill like a million Persians and do it with style. Plus, this dude kicks another bad dude into a bottomless pit after saying, “This is Sparta!” Now that is just cool.

33. The Bride (Uma Thurman)- Kill Bill movies
This hero certainly gets her revenge and then some. I like her as a hero because she is absolutely relentless in what she wants.

32. Rick Blaine (Humphrey Bogart)- Casablanca
For those who haven’t seen this movie your probably thinking I am just putting him on the list because of the classic nature of the film. You are wrong, this guy gave up the love of his life to better the world, that’s hero type stuff.

31. Samwise Gamgee (Sean Austin)- Lord of the Rings movies
Forget Frodo it was Sam that should get the credit for disposing of the notorious ring, all while his questionably gay friend was a total jackass. The look that Frodo gives Sam in the ending of the last film will forever haunt my dreams.

30. Guido Orefice (Roberto Benigni)- Life is Beautiful
Guido should win father of the century for his selfless love of his son.

29. John Preston (Christian Bale)- Equilibrium
If this guy has two guns, regardless of how many bad guys are shooting at him, he will pretty much kill every last one of them. Does that make him a hero? He did also bring down a fascist government if you need more proof.

28. Maggie Fitzgerald (Hilary Swank)- Million Dollar Baby
Probably one of the most tragic hero’s on the list, but the fact that she didn’t send people to kill her family is quite heroic.

27. Dr. Richard Kimble (Harrison Ford) - The Fugative
Finds his wife’s killer and beats the crap out of him, finds the guy who set him up and rocks his world. Do you see a pattern emerging here?

26. Optimus Prime (voice Peter Cullen) Transformers
Transformers movie Optimus Prime
Thank goodness we have Optimus Prime looking over us just in case anymore crazy magical cubes fall down to earth.

25. Wolverine (Hugh Jackman)- X-men movies
I wish I could heal quickly and have adamantium metal claws. Man, my life sucks.

24. Forrest Gump (Tom Hanks) - Forrest Gump

Some would say by sure luck Forrest is a hero, but I say yes he is quite dumb, but anyone with all the disadvantages in the world as Forrest Gump can be a hero, so can anyone.

23. Inspector ‘Tequila’ Yuen (Chow Yun-Fat)- Hard Boiled
Anyone who can jump out of an exploding building shooting bad guys all while holding an baby in his arms has got to be on the top list of movie hero’s.

22. Leonardo, Donatello, Raphael, Michelangelo - Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle movies
I couldn’t leave out my childhood hero’s from this list. Even the theme song correctly states that the Turtles are, ‘hero’s in a half shell.’ Turtle Power….yeah!

21. Rudy Ruettiger (Sean Austin)- Rudy
When you have to work as hard as Rudy does, it make’s you think that maybe being a hero is kind of overrated.

20. Luke Skywalker (Mark Hamill) - Star Wars movies
He brings down the empire not by any of his fighting skills, but by his mercy and incredible ability to whine. “Father….Pleeeeeeeease.”

19. Moses (Charlton Heston)- The Ten Commandments

Nobody quite does it like the former Prez. of the NRA. Heston I mean, not Moses.

18. Spider-Man (Tobey Maguire)- Spider-Man movies
Spiderman is like the kid next door. This guy has all the flaws and insecurities that most of us have, yet still manages to accept his responsibility to be a hero. You know that whole great power = great responsibility crap.

17. Ethan Hunt (Tom Cruise) - Mission Impossible movies
The fact that he can jump and collide in mid-air from a speeding motorcycle only to fall 50 feet onto hard sand, and them battle to the death with his nemesis proves once again that this secret agent is a hero.

16. Butch Cassidy and the Sundance (Paul Newman & Robert Redford)- Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid
Not the brightest or maybe the most noble of hero’s, but these guys are impossible not to like.

15. Oskar Schindler (Liam Neeson)- Schindler's List
Saved lives from almost certain death. A hero who wished he could do more.

14. Superman (Christopher Reeve)- Superman movies*msmjVAnfxEzstRHuIpvrbixKidytaX6rvrDA0r1alBhVIoNVeptzb2ylPH-4XYHBfPvwDRjDDwv2i9ZX/SupermanChristopherReeve.jpg
Superman is what many people think of when the word hero is mentioned. I personally think about the Seinfeld episode where Jerry wins the street race, but that’s just me.

13. Andy Dufresne (Tim Robbins)- The Shawshank Redemption
A man who never gave up hope. Considering his circumstances most of us would have been pretty pissed at life, but not this modern day Job.

12. Jack Ryan (Harrison Ford)- Patriot Games and Clear and Present Danger
This is the kind of guy America needs in their intelligence agencies, especially now that Obama is president. There is no gray area for this hero, "Right or Wrong!"

11. Neo (Keanu Reeves) - The Matrix movies
I think we all know a few people like this hero. A nerd in real life, but when it comes down to some computer game they are the bomb diggity.

10. The Terminator (Arnold Schwarzenegger)- Terminator 2 and 3
Anyone who can protect a 13 year old punk kid from a liquid metal terminator is an automatic top 10 hero.

9. William Wallace (Mel Gibson) - Braveheart
He gets my vote for a top hero not because of his awesome fighting skills, but for his motivational speaking abilities. Matt Foley could perhaps take a page out of William Wallace’s book.

8. Batman (Michael Keaton, Val Kilmer, and Christian Bale)- Batman movies
Yes that’s right, I purposefully left off George Clooney as Batman because that movie is such a joke. I am still trying to forget that garbage. I’ve seen TV movies that were better, TV movies people.

7. Maximus Decimus Meridius (Russell Crowe)- Gladiator
Yes, we are entertained, thank you for asking.

6. Ellen Ripley (Sigourney Weaver)- Alien movies
Ripley personifies what a female hero can be. She is not manly, yet not overly feminine, she just is a freakin’ hero.

5. Rocky Balboa (Sylvester Stallone)- Rocky movies
The ultimate underdog who just never quits. The thing about Rocky that is so appealing is that he is a hero regardless of if he wins or not, it is the effort that makes him a true hero.
4. John McClane (Bruce Willis) - Die Hard Movies
Sure he has a lot of bad luck, but John McClane is probably one of the toughest hero’s we have.

3. Han Solo (Harrison Ford)- Star Wars

There is a little Han Solo in us all. Think about it if you just saved the princess captured in a gigantic space station you would want a little money thrown your way too.

2. Indiana Jones (Harrison Ford)- Indiana Jones movies
Not the likeliest of hero’s if you think about it. He is kind of greedy person, but in the end Indy is all about finding his treasure and most of all saving the day.

1. James Bond (Sean Connery, Roger Moore, Pierce Brosnan, Daniel Craig)- James Bond movies
My favorite movie hero of all-time. Smart, smooth, rich, drives the sweetest cars, hooks up with the most beautiful ladies, all while saving the world. The ultimate natural man in all his glory. Who wouldn’t want to be this guy?